BedTime Battles

Bedtime can be one of the most challenging parts of the day for parents. After a long day, we often just want a little quiet time for ourselves, but kids, feeling tired or overstimulated, can make bedtime a battleground. Ideally, this time would be a peaceful opportunity to connect with each child, read a story, and leave them feeling loved and safe before drifting off to sleep. There are some easy strategies to help make bedtime more enjoyable for everyone.

Bedroom Time vs. Bedtime

One of the first changes to consider is renaming "bedtime" to "bedroom time." Instead of insisting that children close their eyes and go to sleep immediately, focus on making it a time for them to be in their rooms, winding down at their own pace. The reality is that we can't control exactly when our kids fall asleep. If you've ever said, "Get in bed and go to sleep right now!" you know how it can quickly turn into a power struggle—one that a determined child can prolong for hours.

By shifting the focus to "bedroom time," you eliminate the pressure around sleep and give your child space to relax, while still maintaining structure.

Establish a Routine - Keep Consistent

Routine is key to a smooth bedtime process. Create a consistent time for "bedroom time" each night, especially during the week. It’s okay to allow for some flexibility on special occasions, like weekends or holidays, but try to avoid big variations that can make it harder to return to the usual routine.

For younger kids, you can even make a visual schedule to help guide them through the steps: pyjamas, teeth brushing, toilet, and storybook. This way, you can refer to the chart instead of repeating instructions or making bedtime feel like a series of demands.

Wind-down Time

Start a wind-down process about 40 minutes before bedroom time. Some children, especially those with busy minds, need extra time to transition from active play to sleep. For instance, my daughter needed a full hour to wind down, so I let her begin her bedtime routine earlier. I couldn’t always spend the full hour with her, as I had two other children to attend to, but allowing her that extra space to unwind and I would

During the wind-down time, turn off stimulating activities like TV, iPads, gaming devices, loud music, and busy games. I found it helpful not to have the TV on for adults either during this time.

Wind-down time can include dressing for bed, bathing, teeth, stories etc.

Offer Choices

Bedtime is a great opportunity to empower kids by giving them choices. This helps them feel in control, which can reduce resistance. Try offering choices like:

"Do you want to go to bed right now or in 10 minutes?"

"Would you like me to remind you or set the timer?"

"Do you want to brush your teeth in the kitchen or the bathroom?"

"Would you like a story first or your bath first?"

"Do you want a piggyback ride or walk on your own?"

The key here is to offer only choices that you’re okay with. Never present options you don’t want, and avoid using choices as threats (e.g., "Do you want to sleep in your room or outside?"). The power of choices helps children feel more in control and cooperative. I dive deeper into this concept in "The Every Parent Playbook" series.